Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Coming out of my "cave"

I can't believe it's been 6 months since my last blog post.  I've stepped away from my blog writing, my crafts and stepped into Facebook games, endless hours of TV, and my husbands depression.  I wrote this back in May but didn't post it but it might explain what I was going through -

I started watching Shania Twain on OWN.  I liked her music and wondered what happened to her. Then being the entertainment junkie I am I read about her hubby cheating on her with her "best friend"! Nice, right? I do believe when a marriage goes bad it's not only one persons fault, even if they are the  one that cheated.  I know when you are married for any length of time you take each other for granted, get bored, etc.  I know that when something happens and you feel like your heart is broken to bits it takes a while to trust again.  Watching this show it clicked with me - the pleasure I have in sharing my thoughts, feelings, observations on this blog - I felt like I lost my ability to be honest and open with whoever reads this blog.  I like helping people, making people laugh - and I didn't feel like laughing much lately.  I withdrew from people I've known in my online support groups, people I've known in my craft groups.

I'm still struggling with fibromyalgia, arthritis and this god-awful weather that doesn't make it any better.  I'm struggling with my husband and his depression.  I know there are people out there like me

Anyone who loves or cares for someone that has depression, PTSD (Rich was undiagnosed for a long time after he came back from Viet Nam in 1972) - you have to "put your oxygen mask on first". I didn't really talk to anyone other than my mom and two women friends I have known for years (but haven't met yet), played the mindless games on Facebook to take up time, went to bed late and got up late, looked at my craft table every once in a while.  It wasn't all bad - I talked to our daughter more often and we keep contact through Facebook, I started to eat a little better, drink a little more water, lost some weight I needed to lose.

Rich had just gone back to work on the 18th of November.  He called me a couple of times from work, sounded good, but then the 3rd phone call he told me he was being rushed to the hospital.  I thought it might have been a mental breakdown, but when I got to the hospital he was hooked up to all kinds of monitors and was told it was his heart.  He had fallen twice down the stairs at work, and the second time it scared him.  He had an angiogram, and the cardiologist said that 3 arteries were blocked and a bypass needed to be done the next morning.  I remember Rich saying "well I need to put this off for a week or two" and the doctor came in and said "tomorrow morning - 7:30 am".  That was that LOL.  Heart problems run in his family - his mother and dad had these surgeries done twice each.  Rich has been eating better, his depression is better, and he's ready to go back to work. He knows he doesn't want this surgery again, so he's watching his diet more and eating healthier.  I'm eating more protein, less sugar so it's helping me a bit too and taking supplements like I used to.

Thanks Kelli for commenting on my last blog post - it was meant to be.  Also Candace for reminding me about my crown - I just lost it for a while but it will show up soon as sparkly as ever!

I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, questions about my post - and also to remind me to keep on writing - giving me a push when needed.


P.S.  And now some links, etc. I've found interesting, cute, etc.

Family of a Vet
I am a volunteer here and need to start participating

very addicting LOL - find recipes, crafts, etc. and share them with others

My Pinterest

This is Why I'm Broke
I do like the poppable calendar LOL   


Cyn said...

Glad to see you posting again!!!

Shauna said...

Hey Gerri,

LTNS! I am so glad that you are posting again, I believe you have so many valuable things to say.

I have been going through some old blog posts, looking at the comments, and today I was re-reading my post about my last dog, and you had written such a sweet comment.

Thanks for being one more person that understands pain, illness, depression....I value that so very much.

Gentle Hugs----<3

darwinfeldman said...

Hope you are feeling well if not better. PTSD can be a real pain. After the Vietnam war, they used to call it shell shock. Way before, it was called battle fatigue. My point is, PTSD is a real disorder which has to be cured through therapy. It wouldn't help if all the Vets just suck it up then harm theirselves in the end, just like what they were taught to do in the service.

Darwin Feldman
Retirement Specialist
How to Retire Plan

Rhapsody B. said...

Good to read that you are feeling inspired again. I have learnt it is those days when you feel like giving up is when you do the very thing you are struggling not to i.e. in your case blog. You can blog about other things you are passionate about if you don't feel to share your struggles, sometimes in doing that you end up finding better coping mechanisms.

Stay blessed.
Keep your head up and by all means keep on writing.