Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It's Been a While

Well 20 days but who's counting right? LOL  I was disappointed in myself that I couldn't do a daily blog post, but things haven't been very good.  I'm a very verbal person, but I just didn't think people wanted to hear about PTSD and how it affects not only the person that has it but their family members also.  But then again, one of the reasons I starting writing this blog was to help other people that might be going through some things similar to me.  I hope through this post - and maybe some more in the future - I will help at least one person.

I've been so proud of my hubby going to counseling, keeping up his medications, etc.     We talked multiple times about making the trip to AZ for Christmas, and this year Rich says "make the reservations". I made plane and hotel reservations but for some reason I wasn't jumping up and down (even though it might not be physically but inside).  I've been disappointed before - too many times.  Of course I've disappointed Rich too - all the times he wanted to make a day trip and I didn't feel good enough to go.

It was soon after I made the arrangements Rich took off work, slept all day, brushed off his counselor appointments.  He got up maybe once in the day, ate something, watched some TV, went back to sleep.  I gave him his "space", I joined some PTSD forums for support.  I didn't blog, didn't do any crafts.  I felt isolated, not wanting to tell any online friends (even close ones).  After a few days I wanted to talk about what was bothering Rich, and like anyone with depression he said "I don't know" and "everything".  A few more days went by and I got mad.  Angry because I wasn't feeling well, angry because after almost 27 years why we couldn't talk about this.

From my point of view I believe in "preventative medicine".  In other words - once you find the right doctor, counselor, and tools to help yourself use them.  Even when you aren't going through a crisis there are things we can do for the times things will happen and we "crash and burn".

Tomorrow we'll be going to the counselor together - after Rich has a session for himself.  It's a step in the right direction and I'm glad Rich finally agreed to go to the counselor.  I know there are a lot of things Rich needs to face - his childhood, his relationship with our daughter, the incidents that brought PTSD into our lives.  He has come a long way but I think there's more work to be done.

I am still on the fence about the trip to Arizona for Christmas.  Rich has missed too many days for him to go.  I was talking to the counselor and said "if I stay at home I'll be alone on Christmas while Rich is working" just like the past 4 years - except the year his mom stayed with us.  She was sick and I felt sorry for her but I also resented the fact she was there so we couldn't go to AZ (if we would have).

In a way I'm glad I'm writing this out - and I'm letting Rich read it before I post it.  I'm going to include some PTSD links that have helped me in the past couple of days - I hope they help you or someone you love.


I wish I would have had this after Rich came home after Desert Storm


This should NOT be happening to anyone serving in the military right now (2-3 deployments sometimes)



Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I am SO grateful for . . .

I know Thanksgiving for Americans is coming up.  Chronic Babe Jenni put out a challenge - tell everyone all that you are grateful for since becoming a Chronic Babe.

Where do I begin?  First person that talked to me and told me I wasn't "crazy" with my symptoms and what doctor to go to.  She's struggled with fibromyalgia for a lot of years and helped me a lot on my journey.  My rheumatologist, who didn't think I was crazy and diagnosed me about 6 years ago.  Also my chiropractor has helped a lot.  I know I should go back but I haven't in a long time.  My doctor is wonderful.  I've heard a lot of horror stories from people who have gone to doctors that think they are "depressed, menopausal or nothing is wrong with you".

My husband has been great and we are both still struggling with my chronic illness and his.  We've been through a lot in 26 years but we've always come through, and we still on this journey called life.  I'm also grateful for my daughter and our 3 grandchildren - when I hear about them and see pictures of them it makes me smile.  

A few MSN groups I got into and the people I chatted with - I wasn't alone.  I am still an online friend to quite a few of these women and I'm grateful for all the talks we've had when either they or I was feeling bad.  I'm grateful for Jenni also or I wouldn't be writing this right now - she's kept me blogging. 

I'm grateful for - the Internet, TV, DVDs.  When I'm feeling bad and can't do much it's always good to just watch some TV, watch a movie (yes even Disney movies), or watch something cute or funny on YouTube.

I'm grateful to have health insurance and being able to try alternative treatment.

I'm grateful for my pets, they make me laugh and they comfort me with a head on my knee or the cats "talking" and purring at me.

Here's something I found http://www.answers.com/topic/gratitude

A large body of recent work has suggested that people who are more grateful have higher levels of well-being. Grateful people are happier, less depressed, less stressed, and more satisfied with their lives and social relationships Grateful people also have higher levels of control of their environments, personal growth, purpose in life, and self acceptance Grateful people have more positive ways of coping with the difficulties they experience in life, being more likely to seek support from other people, reinterpreted and grow from the experience, and spend more time planning how to deal with the problem,  Grateful people also have less negative coping strategies, being less likely to try to avoid the problem, deny there is a problem, blame themselves, or cope through substance use,  Grateful people sleep better, and this seems to be because they think less negative and more positive thoughts just before going to sleep.

So tonight before going to sleep think happy positive thoughts and at least one thing you are grateful for.

Monday, November 8, 2010

My Dream House

Today I'm going to use the writing prompt on NaBloPoMo:

What would your dream home/apartment/condo/yurt look like? Where would it be? Who'd live in it with you?

I'd get enough acreage so that hubby and I would have a house and my daughter would have one too.  Our house would have everything on one floor, living room with a fireplace, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a big kitchen, a playroom/craft room and maybe a family room with enough room for me to start working on something I've wanted since 9th grade - a miniature Victorian dollhouse, a work/tool shed for hubby.  We live in Salem, Oregon and I would love to live in the Southwest - warm and dry weather.  I'd like enough room to grow a vegetable/herb garden, and have a few animals in the yard.

Not too much to ask for right?

This would be a great doll house to build but the furniture isn't cheap LOL so it might have to be a little smaller.

til tomorrow!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I did a post for my other blog LOL - does that count?


I wanted to do a post every day in November to prove to myself  I could do it.

I watched The View Friday - I guess I was curious how Donnatella Versace looks now.  As soon as I saw her I thought of all the funny skits Maya Rudolph did as her.  I was trying to search for Maya Rudolph as Donnatella (I think she's hysterical as Donnatella and one of the Bronx ladies) but I have this:

Maya Rudolph as Donnatella Versace

I also watched "The Women of Saturday Night Live" on Monday.  It was neat seeing a lot of women that haven't been on TV (not that I've seen) since their SNL run.  Anna Gasteyer, Maya Rudolph, Cheri Oteri, Rachel Dratch, Molly Shannon, Jan Hooks, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss.  It was fun but it was too short.  I guess I can always get "The Best of . . . " on Netflix.  I did  do that with Gilda Radner and John Belushi and it was worth it to laugh all the way through.

Well I'm making today's post short.  The time change I went to bed too late and got up too early LOL.

Here are some links:



Thursday, November 4, 2010

*8 Things that make you feel powerful

My daughter Amy was 3 years old here - now she's 26!

I'm taking a class (at my own pace which is kinda slow lately) "Standing in your own Power" by Rachelle Mee Chapman  One of the *8 Things post was done in September, but I think it's appropriate for me to do now.  Sometimes I feel power-less, but there are some things that make me feel powerful - here they are:

1. When my grown daughter tells me something I've told her works/is right.  It's good to know she's listening.

2. New underwear! When you are 53 and get something "fun" that only you and your significant other sees gives me a lift.

3.  Songs where I blast the sound up: Fighter - Christina Aguilera, So What, U + Ur Hand - Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Pat Benatar - some of the lyrics are snarky, fun, in your face - I like that LOL

4.  Learning at least one new thing every day - a new word, a new way to do something, etc.

5.  Knowing that I have a voice on the internet - I can help someone by posting my experience, I can send out a message to people all over the world about signing a petition, adopting a dog/cat in trouble

6.  When I can tell someone "they are not alone, I know"

7.  Knowing I am loved

8.  Knowledge

Some links that I find interesting and hope you do too:

I saw the crockpot lasagna and it looked pretty good!

cute red & white stocking shaped boxes for Christmas mailing

. . . til tomorrow!

oops Wednesday

Had a crazy day yesterday.  Thought of Wordless Wednesday but it just didn't happen!  I will probably work extra hard today for a blog post.

Stay tuned . . .

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A slight crush on Richard Dreyfuss and some more ramblings

Yes you heard me LOL.  I am watching Weeds and there is something about him.  I think it's more that he's a great actor.  I mean he's playing a teacher that the main character was "more then friends with" in high school - a big ewwwww from me.  He's a sad man, but of course brings his own brand of funny to it.  

I remember seeing "Close Encounters" and didn't think too much about him.  It was when I saw "The Goodbye Girl" I thought he was "kinda cute" - or maybe it was the story.  I also loved "Always" and "Once Around" two very different love stories I really liked him.  The chemistry between him and Holly Hunter is great.  There aren't many movies I watch a couple of times but these two when I see them on TV I record them.  Last movie I saw him in was "My Life in Ruins".  I heard bad reviews about the movie but I loved "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and to see parts of Greece was a plus. I want to go to Greece one day - preferably the beaches there - ahhhhh!

Another actor that isn't "pretty" but I have a little crush - Tommy Lee Jones.  I saw him on One Life to Live (1971-1979) where he played a doctor.  Years later I can't remember what movie but I was like "I've seen him before" LOL.  So glad they are doing a Men in Black III!

No mention of the elections today - I've seen so much "crap" on TV for the past couple of months (when I haven't DVR'd that is) I am over it LOL.  Also I feel like I don't have the right to talk about politics, since I don't know enough about it all.  I know I wanted to change history by voting for Barack Obama, and now I voted for John Kitzhaber.  I think it's cool he's jumping in again.

For links today I'm going to post some of my online buddies who are blogging for NaBloPoMo (these are random) -





and I kinda love this category:

Psychotic Ranting / Anonymous Foaming


. . .til tomorrow

Monday, November 1, 2010

National Blog Posting Month - NaBloPoMo

A picture of my 5 year old grandson Brandon as Darth Vader! Not sure if that's a little prize he won but he sure deserved it!  That costume is pretty neat.

Nope this is NOT NaNoWriMo National Novel Writing Month.  I've wanted to join in for about 3 years but each time it came around I enthusiastic but intimidated.  I saw this post from Pam this morning and I jumped right on it!  NaBloPoMo is National Blog Posting Month and I signed up for it.

There is a writing prompt you can use if you are stuck - today's is "How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?"  

I probably would use our rent money to put on some property down in Arizona, where our daughter and grandchildren live.  I'd be able to go down there for a few months when the weather up here is really awful, probably during the winter.

OK here are some links I thought interesting & hope you do too:


I saw this first picture on another website and thought how pretty and tropical and looked closer - these pictures are amazing!


This is in Italy in June - kind of reminds me of the Pasadena Rose Parade where the floats are made with flowers, etc.

Pasadena Rose Parade

A story in six words!

. . . until tomorrow!