Saturday, February 21, 2009

Boy do I ever want to quit this job

Things just got to me yesterday. Poor Rich was home sick but I had to get the hell out of the house. I got dressed but didn't even brush my teeth. I felt like I was running away from home - MY home. First thing I got up and Irene said maybe "we" should give the Dr. a call (meaning ME) and see if he called the other doc she needs to go to. Then another script to call in. Of course I made the calls and then a call came in while I was in the bathroom and Rich gave the phone to Irene and she hollered "Gerri" - I think that was it for me for the day. I stayed in the bathroom and had a good cry. Rich came in and hugged me and asked what was wrong but he pretty much knows.

Rich said a woman at the pharmacy had the same situation and she just took some time off work and went and stayed with her brother. I wanted to say "see and I stuck around for four months" - but I didn't LOL. I read some stuff from AARP concerning caregivers and I even posted something in the forum. A good read from Gail Sheehy and this one resonated with me yesterday:

All the things that are listed about having stress - I got 'em. I need to take care of myself better. I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel - feeling hopeless and not hopeful.

I got undressed and waited for the calls to come in and then I laid down for a nap. My counselor said our dreams are sometimes things that are stuck in our heads and boy oh boy did I have a doozy. I dreamt that Rich and I finally (another story) had sex and his mom walked in and just stood there and said "What are you doing"? I know one of my friends is reading this and laughing their ass off - you know who you are.

Like Ellen I'm also learning what Twitter is all about. I found a whole lot of travel Twitter-ers? - is that a word? - and some that were suggested to follow. I love how the web has layers and layers of information and you can get lost in it. I guess it was a good diversion yesterday.

Also Oprah had a new show and not a rerun today. Panel show talking about issues of the day in the news, etc. I just about melted when they showed a puppy mill with 90 Yorkshire Terrier dogs that were rescued in Missouri. Here's a link to look and/or donate. Don't buy from pet stores that you don't know where the dogs/puppies are coming from.

If I didn't have so much on my plate right now one of those cutie pies would be coming to my house!

Speaking of dogs - Nana got a hold of the UPS person yesterday! I was in the bathroom and Rich answered the door and Kayonna ran out and grabbed the worker by the pants leg. No damage was done, but it was just one more thing. If you don't know already that's Kayonna after the title LOL - she's in her "gremlin" mode.

Today is another day. I did get up around 4 am so not sure what today brings. I'm crossing my fingers for the best. I am listening to some music - hope that helps.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Another great Tuesday night

My Artist's Way group - I just can't say enough about all those wonderful women.

I missed two weeks and I felt a loss and having the feeling of "catching up", but I also felt warmly welcomed back. I need to keep the flow of conversation going with these wonderful, intelligent, strong women from Wednesday up until we meet on Tuesdays and after the class is done with. I don't want to lose contact with anyone of them - they are all special.

I just thought of a funny thing to put on my Bucket List - dance on a table at a nightspot! LOL Not sure if it will ever happen, but then again my mom did try out to be a go-go girl back in the 60's! For those that remember that brings me to when Goldie Hawn danced on Laugh In. I read her biography and she did a bit of dancing in clubs back in the day

I love music and even though I'm not really a dancer (except with maybe a few drinks LOL) the thought of doing that gives me a giggle.

Another Bucket List item - getting an article, short story or even a book published. I've liked writing since the age of 10 when the teacher praised me for the short story I wrote about how an inanimate object would sound like if it could talk LOL. I am doing my Morning Pages from The Artist's Way but not as daily as I would like. I do write things at night but not consistently. OK Universe - I AM a writer and WILL publish a book that will touch a lot of lives. There - I said it LOL. I guess I have this awful fear of rejection, but that's the life of a writer right?

Here's a website where you put in any age and it lists accomplishments of people - for instance at 50:

At age 50:
Hermann Hesse wrote Steppenwolf, which dealt with man's double nature.
Leo Tolstoy, horrified by the meaninglessness of existence, considered suicide, and finally turned to the simple faith of the peasants.
Antoine Lavoisier, the founder of modern chemistry, was sent to the guillotine in retribution for directing the previous regime's tax organization.
P. L. Guinand, a Swiss inventor, patented a new method for making optical glass.
The composer Strauss intended to devote the remainder of his life to music, but was thwarted by the loss of his fortune.
The philosopher Plotinus was finally persuaded by his students to write down his ideas, published as The Enneads.
Samuel Adams directed the Boston Tea Party.
Barbra Streisand won a 10-year film and recording contract estimated at $60 million.
Mary Dixon became a pilot at the age of 50, fulfilling a lifelong dream.
Earl Vickers got married. The day included a string quartet performance of "Bohemian Rhapsody," a performance by an improv group, and a song he wrote for his wife.
Terri Tapper became the oldest female certified kiteboard instructor in the USA (and possibly the world).
Larry Silverman of Ballston Lake, NY, achieved his 3rd-degree black belt in karate.

Love the marriage of Earl Vickers LOL. Bohemian Rhapsody is one of my FAVORITE songs of all time. And you go Barbra!

This list makes me feel happy. You are never too old . . .

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Cirque du Soleil and Newport, OR

First off no shooting date the other day, but Rich and I did get out for lunch and shopping. I indulged myself and got a full body massage pad that has heat, a huge cushy pillow and super soft blanket for when I either lay on the couch or the bed and a couple of pairs of soft socks, and some Valentine's candy that was on sale 70% off. It was also good to have time with Rich to just talk.

Yesterday I was going to write about my Bucket List but got a little sidetracked. One thing on my list - see LOVE put on at the Mirage in Las Vegas. I've never seen a Cirque show and this is one thing I would love to do:

I even talked to Rich about it yesterday, staying in Las Vegas for 2-3 days. And today - I got this newsletter in the mail about airfare, hotel & Cirque tickets!

Another item - swimming with dolphins with our grandchildren, daughter and son-in-law (almost). I want to see many things through their eyes as I did with our daughter Amy while she was growing up. I hope she'll appreciate seeing that also - children grow up so fast.

Along with my ramblings I'll be including some more things on my casual Bucket List. If you have a list I'd love to hear about it.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I'm going shooting LOL

Well maybe pulling skeet for Rich. He took off work today and fed Irene and changed the sheets. I remember a joke about foreplay for a woman being washing the dishes LOL. It's nice when your man does those kinds of things for you.

I think this is SO sweet:

73 years! We've been married 25 and sometimes it seems like yesterday. We've been through a lot and probably will go through a lot more. I wouldn't want to go through it all with anyone but Rich - he is part of my heart. The other parts are Amy, Brandon, Zoey, Brandon and the new baby plus my new friends from the Artist's Way and my friends from my support group. There is always room for more.

I'm not very "chatty" today. I guess Sunday is a day for reflection. I'm hoping to go to a place and just "be" and listen to the silence. Plus I'm going to get myself a nice smelling candle, some nice fuzzy warm socks. That's part of my Artist's Way chapter on "Recovering a Sense of Connection". Sounds like a good plan.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day and Happy 150th Bithday Oregon!

OK so I googled how to spell Sesquicentennial and found this webpage: and had to LOL at "Seski" and that he/she/it has a Facebook page! OK so I re-joined Facebook. Hope it doesn't get TOO annoying. There will be plenty of events especially here in Salem for the birthday. Free hot dogs & cake at the Capitol but I think I'm going to skip that. Along with birthday happenings there are also Valentine's Day events like the cute sea otters getting fish frozen in the shape of hearts awwww

Me well I started the day at 8:45 yes you read that right! I didn't hear Rich leave or anything. I'd like to steal away after work to a motel and spend the night but that's not happening right now. I miss our alone time. We did have lunch yesterday - it was lovely.

The social worker came yesterday and Irene agreed to a foster care home. This way she'll be able to get in sooner. Not that we are pushing her out the door but I am getting physically and mentally exhausted.

I am watching the recorded 20/20 from last night

so sad and right here in America. Forgotten people that need our help. If everyone gave just $1 it would help these people.

Check it out.

Have a great Saturday and if you don't have a Valentine buy YOURSELF something great.

Friday, February 13, 2009

A great day yesterday - I feel refreshed!

I met with Bobbie from my Artist's Way class. We met at Reed Opera House here in Salem. I love all the different shops, and I'm hoping to see a play there one of these days. Bobbie's original invite was to see a play but the last few days have been rough (my fibro) and I'm lucky to sit for an hour. I'm putting that on the back burner - we will get there. I haven't seen a play since Annie in New York - I was around 20 I think.

We looked around at the different stores and ate at a Greek restaurant. Bobbie had Moussaka and I had Spanakopita. We also went to a cute shop and Bobbie got a life size replica of the iron in Monopoly (I'm usually the dog LOL) and I got some lip gloss. We both saw these cute rings by the check out and I got the pink - it reminded me of a pink diamond that I'm hoping to get one of these days HINT HINT.

Bobbie & I talked about anything and everything - like we had known each other for years. It's good to have a woman friend to talk to face to face. Can't wait for us to go exploring again. There are some places in Salem I haven't seen and of course I'll be taking Bobbie to eat different types of food. I had mentioned the West African Peanut Soup at Lifesource - kind of spicy and the first thing I've eaten with peanuts or peanut butter. Really good! Before the Artist's Way Tuesday we'll be going to Da Vinci's - I haven't been there and I love Italian food.

Things are looking up. I'm usually such a positive person and always tell people "it could be worse" etc. but lately all I see is day-to-day. Bobbie reminded me about the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still digging my way through but I am seeing it - there's a pinhole of light I see in the distance - thank you friend.

Some links of interest:

Monday, February 9, 2009

Things are bad all over but I have hope

It's been a tough week. Irene thought she was staying with us permanently but this place is SO small and I'm not in the best of health right now and we finally got things straightened out. She's applying for medicaid to help with the expenses of assisted living and we are looking for somewhere outside of Salem - shorter waiting period. Rich and I got in a major fight but thank God for Richard the counselor. Rich and I are strong and united - that's all I ask for.

Good news but I'm worried - Amy is pregnant! I want to be with her to make sure she's doing good and the baby is doing good. That's what moms are for right? I am going in April (unless I talk to Dayna about the class I'm in). Maybe I should just leave it and say April. I don't know - brain is foggy LOL.

I called my mom and my poor niece Megan. Patty & Joe (stepmom & dad) are fighting big time. Patty wants to leave and take Megan & the dog. She talks to Megan rotten and I don't think she'll be leaving with Megan. I'm going to call today to see if Megan got the candy I sent. Maybe or maybe not Patty will talk to me.

I feel like I'm disappointing some people but procrastination. I hate when I get like that but the last 3-4 days have not been good for me physically or mentally. I ache all over like I was dropped from a 5 story building and black & blue all over without the marks. I am still finding out stuff about fibromyalgia and getting different symptoms - stuff I haven't had in the 2 years since I was diagnosed. I have an appointment with the rheumatologist this week and I will talk to him.

Tomorrow I go to dinner with my Artist's Way group before the class. I need this. These women I feel like I've known them forever. Weird huh?

Here are some links I like looking at daily:

Smile all day today - it's contagious!